Is your smart phone ruining your sex life?

Instant gratification is at our fingertips in the form of news, weather, porn, facebook and instagram, emails, texting and phone calls. We can probably all agree, we are a society obsessed and frankly, addicted, to our smart phones.

Dopamine from smart phones. 

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that gives us the feel good, “I want more” feeling when we engage in behaviors that hook into our reward center of the brain. One way that we get the hit of dopamine is through social interactions.    

It is easy to get on our phones and connect socially with people to get a quick and easy dopamine hit. Many apps have made their platforms dopamine rich environments that keep you coming back for more. 

Orgasm and dopamine.

Sexual activity produces oxytocin and serotonin which are wonderful on their own. And, when you orgasm dopamine is released giving you a reward for sexual behavior. However, for many people orgasm is not easily achieved during sex. It can be more rewarding to get on your smart phone then struggle with sex. 

You may feel caught between having an intimate conversation with your spouse that may lead to sex that might produce an orgasm. Or, taking the easier path and engaging socially online.

This is the struggle of our times.

Many articles have been written on the topic of  society’s declining libido and sexual activity with the rise of social media and smart phones. You may have read articles, seen headlines or watched videos where this topic is discussed.  We are all struggling with this! I can admit to this in my own life.  I find myself often getting distracted by my phone and scrolling through social media instead of turning towards my partner.  

How do we detach from our smart phones and get our sex lives back on track?

  1. Admit there is a problem. It is through acknowledging the problem that you can find a solution.
  2. Turn towards your partner while simultaneously turning away from your smart phone. 
  3. Make it a practice to put your phone down and have a meaningful conversation with your partner every single day.
  4. Work on the quality of your sex life.  When sexual intimacy is frustrating and has led to arguments sex becomes associated with stress. You need to associate sex with pleasure in order to come back for more.
  5. Learn how to please each other and improve your communication to get your needs and desires met.
  6. Learn about your body and mindful masturbation techniques. It is important to know your own body so you can communicate to your partner what you like. 
  7. See a sex therapist or coach to get assistance with improving your sex life.
  8. Be gentle with yourself during this process.  Remember, it’s a practice not a perfect!

Small, incremental steps. 

It may feel daunting to work on sex and intimacy but with a series of small, incremental steps it can be done.  I work with many people who have learned how to get out of their heads and into their bodies to have good sex.

It is when you drop into the sensations of your body that wonderful sex can happen.  Orgasm can happen.  Deep, loving and intimate connection can and does happen! I see it all the time.

Reach out and book a consultation call. Let’s discuss the possibility of working together to change your existing dynamic with your partner. Become orgasmic and sexually fulfilled so that you put down your phone and choose your partner every time! 

All the best!

Dr. Anya

Categories: Sex Education

Anya

Anya de Montigny, DHS is a sexuality expert with over 20 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality (DHS) degree, is a certified sex educator and certified sex coach and was the host of the popular radio show The O Word Sex Talk Radio. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice. She also teaches adult sex education classes as well as consent & boundaries workshops at Universities and Colleges.

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