Most of my clients are head types. They spend most of their days on the computer, in offices and in and out of meetings. The “head type” personality dominates our culture and in fact, is looked at as an asset. You may do better at school, excel in the corporate world, make more money and gain prestige in a mind dominated culture.
But, living from the mental sphere is not all it’s cracked up to be. High achievers may get praise at work but not necessarily in the bedroom. People come to me to teach them how to have more sensation and sexual flow in their bodies, heal their relationships and teach them how to de-stress because their minds are overburdened and their bodies are deadened.
Sex is about the body. When we live in our heads and neglect the realm of the body we cut ourselves off from our sexual flow. We can use visual stimulation and great conversation to get us started but ultimately we have to be in touch with our lower centers and the messages it’s sending us to propel us toward sexual experiences. And good sexual experiences. We all know what happens to sex when we think too much. Just as we get to that yummy-happy place, the mind kicks in and poof! the turn-on diminishes.
Part of my work is encouraging people to get out of their heads and into their bodies. To stop thinking so much and start feeling. What would it be like if we swung the balance toward the feeling side of life? Well, we may get a lot less “done” but do we ever complete those to-do lists anyway? Don’t they just have babies and make more to-do lists? What are we doing with our lives if we aren’t getting the pleasure we deserve, having those long, lingering make-outs and connecting intimately and sexually with our partners?
The juice, for me, is in balance. Go out and get a bunch of stuff done but call it a day, take off your shoes, lay down with your lover and breath together. Get into your bodies. Use conscious touch exercises to explore each other’s delicious erogenous zones. Get away from the computer and the telephone and the constant thinking and find bliss in ~ the body. And from there, drop in and feel and start to notice what turns you on physically. Let go of the constant mental chatter of the mind and really start to live.
Anya de Montigny, DHS is a sexuality expert with over 20 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality (DHS) degree, is a certified sex educator and certified sex coach and was the host of the popular radio show The O Word Sex Talk Radio. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice. She also teaches adult sex education classes as well as consent & boundaries workshops at Universities and Colleges.