Alcohol as sexual lubricant 

Sex and alcohol often go hand in hand like good bread and creamy butter.  It’s hard to imagine one without the other.  For many people alcohol acts as an aphrodisiac, a mental and physical lubricant that can take you from the blahs to the oh yeahs in a couple of drinks.  And no wonder, alcohol releases GABA and dopamine, neurotransmitters that decrease tension and anxiety and increase feelings of pleasure

A few drinks to get you in the mood.. at a cost

I have many clients who need a glass of wine or a couple of drinks to get in the mood but who also wish they didn’t have to drink every time.  They may suffer from hangovers or even do things when intoxicated they wouldn’t have otherwise done and come to regret it the next day.  While alcohol can increase feelings of pleasure and help us relax it can also have a rebound effect of making everything feel worse the next day. 

Try these sober techniques to get you in the mood

While there is nothing wrong with imbibing safely and intentionally it may be nice to have some alternatives to consuming alcohol to create a sexy vibe with your partner.

Here are a few tips to try the next time you want to get sexy and ditch the alcohol:

Create a sexy atmosphere.

Good, quality sex is all about creating the right context. For some, it’s not enough to go straight from work right into the bedroom and expect to have super satisfying and pleasurable sex.  It’s in these moments – from work to bedroom – that people often grab that drink to relax and get in the mood.  Instead, take a little extra time to set the mood by dimming the lights, turning on some relaxing music, burn some incense, light some candles and, if you need to, cover up any messes with sheets (our eyes are always tracking the environment for turn-on and turn-offs and a messy room can be a huge turn-off – so throw a sheet over it!)

Take a warm shower or bath – either alone or with your lover.

Warm water gets us into our parasympathetic nervous system and relaxes and calms the body.  A warm shower or bath can do wonders to help transition from a busy day to a more calming, pleasurable state of mind. You can do this solo and ask your partner to wait for you in the other room while you take a little break from your day or, you can invite your lover into the shower with you and take turns gently washing and massaging each other’s bodies.

Start with erotic massage. 

Good love-making is all about quality connection. Alcohol can often serve as a lubricant that helps people open up and communicate easily with their minds, hearts and bodies.  We still want to achieve this goal of being connected so we can be intimate.  Erotic massage is a great tool for becoming intimate without the alcohol.  Instead of jumping right into bed and expecting great sex, take some time to touch your parter in sensual ways that turn them on.  Erotic massage is an art form that takes practice so have patience with this process, it’s about getting curious and exploring your partners body.

Enroll in a class or get some coaching.

We can all use a brush up on our technique and it’s always a great idea to learn new tips and tricks to spice up your love life.  Take a class together or get some sex and intimacy coaching to help take your love life to the next level.  Relying on the same old routine and expecting to get what you really crave out of it may drive you to having those extra drinks that you don’t really want.  Instead of using alcohol to make things exciting learn something brand new.  

Good sex is about choice. 

Good, quality sex is about choice.  Some days you may want a glass of wine and some days you don’t.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have that choice and know that no matter what sex is always going to be awesome?

Try these techniques and let me know how they work for you. Do you have any other tips that work? Please let me know, I am always excited for new ways to enhance pleasure and connection in the bedroom. 

    Dr. Anya

    Dr. Anya is a sexuality expert with over 25 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality degree and is a certified sex educator and certified sexologist. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice.


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