Female ejaculation the myth, mystery and glorious possibility!

I taught my SquirtGasms! workshops for many years in the San Francisco Bay Area and around the world. Over the many years I taught female ejaculation workshops, the main question I got asked was “can every woman ejaculate”? And my answer has always been an honest, “I don’t know”.

Before we get started on the steps to ejaculation it’s important to note that the jury is still out on whether all women can ejaculate. All bodies are different, unique and special. And, to say this is something that all women can do would be dishonest. However, I do believe that it’s worth it to try and see if this is something your body can do. It can take practice, patience, and keeping an open mind. 

The main key to trying something new is to become a sensual researcher and remain curious and patient. It is important to remain relaxed and calm and not force the process to happen. You should feel aroused and a lot of good, yummy pleasure in order to ejaculate.  Enjoy!

5 Steps to Female Ejaculation

1. Create a Safe & Comfortable Space

It is important to feel safe, comfortable and relaxed in order to ejaculate.

This can look different for each woman. Some women like dim lights, candles, soft music and incense while other women like a fuzzy blanket on the floor with cell phones turned off and the kids with a sitter.

It is important to communicate to your partner what kind of space enables you to relax, feel safe and sink into your body without distractions.

As the giver it is important to check-in with your partner to make sure the space feels good and be willing to make adjustments if need be.

Why is a safe, comfortable space important?

Female ejaculation is about letting go of negative societal messages about sexuality, shame around bodily fluids, and negative messages about female pleasure and replacing them with permission to have a good time, even if it’s a little messy. A space that is comfortable and safe helps ensure that you feel free to fully embody your sexuality.

Setting up your space

Think of some items that would feel good for you to feel safe, warm and comfortable.

Ideas:

  • Satin sheets
  • Fuzzy blankets
  • Soft music
  • Candles
  • Chocolates and fruit to nibble on before hand
  • A warm bubble bath to get prepared
  • Cell phones turned off
  • Lights dimmed
  • Kids out of the house (with a sitter, with family or another trusted care giver)

Be sure to have plenty of towels nearby, water proof sheets or this amazing blanket by Liberator, lube and any toys you you want to play with. When everything is in the same place it adds to the level of intimacy so that you can stay present without the distraction of getting something in a drawer or other room.

2. ForePlay & Making Out

A woman’s erectile tissue starts to swell and produce ejaculate before penetration or stimulation simply by getting turned-on.

Try some erotic touching, flirting, kissing, making out, and even sweet words.

What turns you on? What ways do you like to be touched? How do you like your foreplay? Do certain words turn you on? Do you like erotic massage?

There are many ways to get turned-on that gets you ready for female ejaculation and it is important to know what gets you aroused.

Why is this important? Keep reading!

3. Anatomy & Physiology

I always say knowledge = pleasure and the more we know about our anatomy and physiology and how we function the more empowered we can be.  

Female ejaculate is normal! When a woman becomes sexually aroused a substance called prostate-specific antigen, or PSA, forms in the skenes glands and drains into the urethra. This is prostatic fluid and is the same substance that is found in the male prostate.

For some women this can be ejaculated out of the body during peak arousal. While this substance is a liquid that comes out of the urethra, it is not the same substance as urine. It does have some urea and creatine in it but it also has higher levels of PSA making it its own unique and special substance we call female ejaculate.

4. Technique

For a lot of women having your g-spot stimulated is a good start to being able to ejaculate. The g-spot, otherwise knows as the para-urethral sponge, is located inside the vagina and can easily be found by lying on your back and inserting fingers or a g-spot toy into your vagina.

The g-spot is generally about 1 to 2 inches inside the vaginal canal and up towards the pubic bone. When inserting your finger, make a “come hither” gesture with your finger/s up towards the pelvic bone until you feel a ridgy mass. You may feel a pleasurable sensation or increase in sensation.

In some cases, you may not feel anything until the area has been gently massaged and coaxed into becoming aroused (another reason why foreplay before penetration is great).

Trauma-aware

Because of the shame that some women may feel around their sexuality or because of sexual trauma or pain this area may feel numb or painful upon touch. This is fine and just a part of the process. With continued gentle massage, communication and love the g-spot can become an amazing part of a pleasurable experience for many women. Of course, if anything feels too painful to continue please stop. 

Feeling the need to pee

With penetration and stimulation of the area, and for some women stimulation of the clitoris, the sensation of fullness, needing to pee or wanting to push may happen.

When you feel this sensation of “needing to pee” push out in a reverse kegel. Instead of pulling up and in like you would to stop the flow of urine relax the pelvic floor muscles and push out as you would to encourage the flow of urine.

The feeling of needing to pee is an indication that female ejaculate has accumulated in the urethra and is ready to come out. Do not worry that you are going to pee because as you know this is a different fluid.  And, even if it’s a little pee that’s okay.  It’s mostly female ejaculate. 

5. Practice, practice, practice

Practice makes perfect. I encourage you to not have high expectations but to practice and see what happens. For many women, it’s when they give up on expectations and stop trying to make it happen that the body naturally one day just ejaculates!

G-Spot Toys

For a lot of women g-spot stimulation toys are a great way to get to female ejaculation and encourage an
increase in sensation and pleasure in the g-spot Some great toys to check out are:

NJoyPureWand– A sensual S-shaped dildo designed to find your G-spot — and other hard-to-reach places.

Lelo Gigi – A friendly G spot vibrator with a perfect curve and intense vibrations. A
wider girth covers more area (for those who are really lost).

Lelo Luna Beads – This sexy vaginal barbell quickly tones and strengthens PC
muscles leading to more intense orgasms and an easier time ejaculating.

Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions.

All the best!

Dr. Anya


Dr. Anya

Dr. Anya is a sexuality expert with over 25 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality degree and is a certified sex educator and certified sexologist. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice.

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