Are you struggling with eager ejaculation? Have you tried all kinds of techniques and tricks to last longer in bed? Does this issue consume your thoughts and cause a lot of stress?

I am here to tell you that a mindset pivot may be all that is needed to stop experiencing the stress, frustration and anxiety that comes with eager ejaculation and instead, experience a very rewarding and fulfilling sex life.

Many of the men I work with who come to climax under 2 minutes also have a short refractory period.  A refractory period is defined as the period after climax where sexual desire, arousal and ability to orgasm is gone for the time being.  After the refractory period ends desire and arousal builds back up and another orgasm can be achieved. For some men this can take anywhere from a few minutes to a few days.  And, those that I have worked with who have eager ejaculation often report being able to go back to arousal in a relatively short period of time.  Anywhere from a few minutes to an hour.  

If you are one of these men who come to orgasm quickly and also have a short refractory period then I’d like to redefine the experience you are having and deem you a multi-orgasmic male.

Why a multi-orgasmic male? You may have heard that many women are multi-orgasmic. For some women they experience a refractory period of a few seconds to a few minutes and can achieve multiple orgasms during one erotic encounter. It would stand to reason then that some men are able to do the same.

If you are able to come to orgasm in a few minutes and have a short refractory period it’s possible that you can just wait a little while and then come to orgasm again.  And, maybe even again.

This can take getting very creative in bed.  You can have fun with a variety of erotic activities in between orgasms.  For instance, you can start with oral or  manual stimulation by your partner for the first orgasm.  Then, please your partner for awhile either manually, orally or with toys (which might be really nice for your partner to build up their arousal) and then, engage in penetrative sex.  

Many clients who have tried this have reported that they can last longer the second time around. 

If you do not achieve the same level of erection on the second (or third, fourth etc.) times that is no problem, you can use a cock ring.  A cock ring can keep the penis harder for longer. 

The main thing is not to stress.  You don’t need to try all the various tricks and techniques to last longer as that may just drive you nuts and make you more anxious.  Instead, think of yourself as a multi-orgasmic male.  Enroll you partner in the idea that sex can be more creative, there can be more variety and it can be super fun and creative.

Try this out and see what happens.  I would be happy to hear how it works for you!

As I always say, be a sensual/sexual researcher.  Try things out, remain curious and open-minded and see what happens.

All the best!

Dr. Anya

Dr. Anya

Dr. Anya is a sexuality expert with over 25 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality degree and is a certified sex educator and certified sexologist. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice.