I just had a panel of Sexperts join me for a wonderful discussion about Female and Trans-Male (FTM) Ejaculation at Oakland’s local sex toy shop: Feelmore510. With Madison Young, Dr. Ari Zadel and Pavini Moray we dove into the subject of Female and FTM ejaculation and had a lot of fun discussing it from many angles.
As a Sexologist I have had the privilege of hundreds of hours of sex education, hundreds more than the average doctor. Sexologists are specialists who dedicate our lives to the single subject of Human Sexuality and all it’s expressions. I have the first hand knowledge that Female and FTM ejaculation is not only possible but normal and healthy! Of course, it’s not necessary to ejaculate to have great sex and it is not everyone’s preference or desire to squirt. But, if you are a squirter or if you want to be then I am here to tell you to go for it!
The controversy that surrounds female and FTM ejaculation is pretty epic. To start, Doctors are still on the fence that the G-spot (“discovered” and named after the German Dr. Grafenberg) exists. As Dr. Ari Zadel pointed out, if the medical community can not isolate something in every human body and label it then there is not enough proof to be considered part of human anatomy. And with the G-spot because not every woman or FTM has one in the same exact location or with the same look, touch and physical make-up some people do not agree that it exists. As Sexologists we know that there are varying degrees of size, texture and even sensation in this area of the vagina and with enough conclusive somatic, experiential and scientific evidence we agree that it is a part of female and trans-male sexual anatomy.
So why talk about the G-spot? Around and encompassing the G-spot is the para-urethral sponge which is what becomes engorged during sexual arousal with a fluid that is the same as what men ejaculate: Prostatic fluid. This fluid drains through glands and into the urethra and back out during ejaculation. This is pretty darn fascinating and something that has called up quite a lot of discussion over when people wonder, well “Is it pee?”
A valid question to ask! Sure, ejaculate does come out of the urethra, the same place that urine is released, and it can be quite copious in amount just like pee. However, when this substance is taken to the lab and analyzed it shows a few things: 1) the presence of prostatic fluid (which is not found in urine), 2) lesser amounts of urea (a substance found in urine) and 3) lesser amounts of creatinine (a substance found in urine). People also report that it doesn’t have the same color as urine nor does it smell like urine but may have a sweeter smell, an absence of smell or just smell different.
As we discussed in the panel there are still a lot of questions that have not been answered about this ejaculate fluid. Namely, how can there be so much of it? And, how is it that even after just urinating so much still comes out? When these questions are asked by the audience we all laugh and shrug because the body truly is a mystery! There has not been a ton of study on this aspect of our sexuality and until people decide to do large and long-term research on Female and FTM Ejaculation we will have to do our own, at-home research and come up with some of our own answers.
Ejaculation Tip: there are a few things that are important in learning how to ejaculate as a woman or FTM. Instead of getting into a full “how-to” I will describe one step that you can practice right now and for more information please contact me!
Do your Kegels! Kegels (named after Dr. Arnold Kegel) is an exercise of the pelvic floor muscles that strengthens, tightens and brings control to this area. Often helpful for pregnant woman and people who experience incontinence it is also recommended to help strengthen and isolate the muscles that will be needed to successfully expel ejaculate out of the urethra as well as produce more powerful orgasms.
How it’s done: 1) Isolate the PC muscle (this is the muscle that we use to stop the flow of urine while we are peeing and is accessed internally by squeezing the pelvic floor). 2) Gently contract and release this area for several seconds 3) Practice this technique often.
This is one exercise that will get you going and on your way to be able to ejaculate. Don’t force the issue and try not to get frustrated if nothing is happening during intercourse. It takes the body a while to do what we want it to and it requires patience and practice. And, it’s not necessary to ejaculate to have good sex so also focus on all the other pleasurable things you are doing. If it happens it happens!
As always I encourage people to be “sensual researchers” and experiment with what feels good while trying on new things. If you are curious about ejaculation and how to ejaculate there are some great resources on the subject and I love to work with individuals and couples to teach how to become squirters. I also offer experiential workshops in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Anya de Montigny, DHS is a sexuality expert with over 20 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality (DHS) degree, is a certified sex educator and certified sex coach and was the host of the popular radio show The O Word Sex Talk Radio. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice. She also teaches adult sex education classes as well as consent & boundaries workshops at Universities and Colleges.