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Sex and COVID-19

During this time of intense change and challenge we need to look at our entire lives to see where we can add safety practices.

Sex is an area of our lives that is high on this list. While sex is amazing, powerful and may boost the immune system we must also take the COVID-19 virus seriously and protect ourselves and others.

Dating and Sex 

Unfortunately, this is not the time to be dating new people other than online, over video conferencing and via text and messenger.  It may be tempting to engage in a quick hook up to distract from serious news and the stress of life but social distancing mandates we stay 6-10 ft. away from each other as we know the virus can spread through the air via saliva droplets. We do not want to risk getting or giving the virus. 

Fortunately, cyber sex can be a fun way to hook-up virtually and there are many online platforms to do so. 

Been dating for awhile and have established trust and intimacy?

If you have been dating someone for awhile you can:

  1. Opt out of seeing each other and engaging in sexual activity until the shelter in place and other social distancing protocols are lifted. Instead, use technology to stay connected and engage in cyber sex.
  2.  Wash hands and face thoroughly for 20-60 seconds, change into clean clothing when you arrive at their place, jump into the shower (solo) and throughly wash your body and hair. Your date should also thoroughly wash in the same fashion. Make sure to use STI protection (condoms, dental dams, gloves) and opt out of kissing during sexual activity to prevent the spread of virus through saliva droplets. 
  3. Important: use your best discretion when deciding how to interact sexually during this time. It is always best to check with your Primary Care Provider (MD) and the CDC website for more information and updates on the Covid-19 virus and how it is spread. Even as a sex educator I am learning as we go and need to keep checking for continuous updates on best safer sex practices for Covid-19 to share with clients. 

The Good News in Dating

Luckily, technology is awesome and you can keep the sparks flying with mutual masturbation, fun role play, toys, and other creative ideas from the safety of your own home. 

Dating someone new is always a creative challenge with lots of potential emotional highs and lows, strong lustful desires and lots of fresh energy so what better time than now to get super creative with technology and keep it steamy and exciting?

There are endless ways to turn to a new (or potential) romance into fun cyber sex.  

Long-Term Relationships and Sex 

Sexual activity is a wonderful way to get hormones flowing that keep us happy, reduce stress and possibly boost the immune system. Sexual activity can be a fun way to pass the time and get to know your partner better. 

Have conversations about sex to find out what your partner likes and dislikes. The Gottman Card Deck, available at the app store, has cards titled, “Sex Questions to Ask a Woman” & “Sex Questions to Ask a Man”. Learn something new about your partner!  And then, take it to the bedroom!

Alternately, If you or your partner is sick this would not be the time to have sex. You can practice lots of love and empathy at this time and leave sex for when everyone is healthy.

Sexual Challenges?

For those who have been struggling to connect intimately this is a great time to improve on skillful ways to touch, create a space in the house where sensuality can be prioritized over devices and work, and learn healthy communication skills to talk about sex and sexual desires in a positive way.

It is also a great time to give erotic massage, engage in passionate sexual activities and, if those things have been challenging in the past, reach out to a sex coach!

Solo-Sex on the Menu!

This is a wonderful time for a lot of self-care.  Masturbation is always safe, consensual and super healthy and can be done side by side with a partner, over video cam, and by yourself.  Make it special.  Add some nice lighting, soft music, and really explore yourself and your body in new ways.  

How to find out more about safer sex practices at this time. 

I urge you to read the NYC Health Sex & Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19) document and learn more about what is considered safe and not safe during this time. Also, check out the list of *resources at the bottom of this post. If you have any further questions it is best to talk to your Primary Care Provider (MD) as they will be continuously updated on best social practices as more data is revealed.

Reach Out & Stay Connected 

For more information on how to stay connected with each other in safe and loving ways please reach out! I work with individuals and couples and since many people are sheltered in place now is a great time to explore sex and intimacy as a healthy method of boosting the immune system, staying happy and positive and reducing stress.

Sending you all my love,

Dr. Anya


*More info and resources on Covid-19.
Categories: Sex Education


Anya de Montigny, DHS is a sexuality expert with over 20 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality (DHS) degree, is a certified sex educator and certified sex coach and was the host of the popular radio show The O Word Sex Talk Radio. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice. She also teaches adult sex education classes as well as consent & boundaries workshops at Universities and Colleges.


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