Perimenopause can be a difficult life transition.  

There are many changes that occur in the human body that we are not prepared for until we get there.  For myself, pregnancy and childbirth, post pregnancy and the toddler years were some of those times where my body changed so much I just had to surrender and learn as I went along.    

I would venture to guess that as a society we have even less conversations about perimenopause and menopause than we do about pregnancy and childbirth.  It is a bit daunting to know just what to do during this stage.  There is so much to read and research and explore and of course it’s always important to find support with others who are also going through the same journey.

What I have learned so far in my own perimenopause journey.

I am very gentle with myself and patient with this hormonal transition as the days can vary from one to the next.  Hormone fluctuations at this time happen constantly and can be a roller coaster of symptoms and sensations not unlike pregnancy.  I have found it is best to keep an open mind and surrender to the process just like I did during the early years of motherhood.  

What about sex?

Most importantly I practice what I preach to my clients in regards to sexuality. I’ve found that the tools and techniques I’ve been teaching my clients all these years absolutely applies to perimenopause as well.  This can be a time of decreased libido for some (not all) and the same principles apply to any other time. 

  1. Create a sexy, intimate space without expectation but just as a way to connect with your partner. 
  2. Get into that space with the mindset that this is a time for intimacy. 
  3. After lying together for awhile, perhaps doing some sensual massage see what happens. 
  4. Responsive arousal is amazing.  And, sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised when we keep an open mind. 

This is proving to be just as good of a strategy as ever before.  It’s true that spontaneous desire and arousal can diminish over time in a long term relationship and with fluctuating hormones it can also be true that spontaneity goes out the window.  However, the good news is that we have responsive arousal always there in the background waiting for the right context and circumstances to sexually turn-on the body. 

I am using these principles to navigate my own sexuality during perimenopause. Responsive arousal is amazing, it works, it is a tried and true method and I am thankful it’s always there to come back to.

How is your perimenopause journey going?

As sensual researchers it’s important that we understand that our sexuality is here with us throughout our lifetime.  And, we can have a healthy relationship with our bodies and our partners throughout the complexities and changes that our bodies go through.  It’s important to keep an open mind, be gentle, stay curious and do your own sensual research.

I’d love to hear from other women who are navigating their sexuality during perimenopause.  I wonder if some of the techniques I teach my clients can be beneficial for you as well?

If you want to discuss this in more detail please do not hesitate to reach out and see if coaching may be a good option for you.

All the best,

Dr. Anya

Categories: Sex Education

Dr. Anya

Dr. Anya is a sexuality expert with over 25 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality degree and is a certified sex educator and certified sexologist. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice.

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