Is the label of erectile dysfunction getting you down?

It doesn’t have to! I want to debunk another myth that our culture likes to throw around.  The myth that men must be rock hard and stay that way whenever they get aroused.  I find that this myth has done a lot of damage to male sexuality and has caused a culture of shame, secrecy, lies, and fear much like the one that has been created around female sexuality.


I often have male clients that are frustrated with their erections. They have been to doctors, urologists, therapists and still find that they are not performing in the way they “should”.  They have been told that they need to be hard all the time. And, if they are not then they have the dreaded erectile dysfunction.

Treat the body holistically.

There are times when medical tests are necessary and all men could benefit from getting some testing done to rule out any underlying issues.  It is always important to treat our bodies holistically and that includes adhering to self-care through routine check-ups. If you find that there is no organic problem that points to erectile dysfunction then find some alternate approaches to support you in finding body acceptance and pleasure.

If you are experiencing:

  • Shame.
  • Performance Anxiety.
  • Quick ejaculation.
  • A desire to be erect but not able to keep an erection.
  • Becoming erect, an interruption happening and losing the erection.
  • Feeling you must perform a certain way to please your partner.
  • Getting frustrated that your erections aren’t lasting as long as your partner would like.
  • Watching a lot of porn.
  • Only being able to maintain erection during porn.

Then it may be time to adjust your thinking, stop striving for the perfect erection and trust your body.

Our bodies are complex.

The human body does not have an on and off switch that makes an erection work every time.  The body is much more exciting and intricate than that. If there is stress on board, if the turn-ons aren’t there, if there are communication issues between partners, if you are experiencing parent burn-out, if sex isn’t fun anymore, if age or low testosterone is a factor, the body will adjust accordingly.

Labels are harmful.

The label of erectile dysfunction can be harmful.  Instead of seeing your body as dysfunctional see your body’s response as a “difference” which is pointing to a lot of important factors that need to be examined.

Get out of the box!

Unfortunately, male sexuality has been put into a small box that does not leave a lot of room for creativity, fun, trying new things, exploring soft cock massage, being halfway erect and having an orgasm, relaxing and letting go to just feel and explore sensation and being okay with not being 100 % HARD all the way to the finish line.

By changing your mindset around your erections, utilizing some important tools to get more in touch with your body like erotic massage and mindful masturbation, and getting some coaching, you will see these results:

  • More sensation
  • Relaxation
  • Fun
  • Happiness
  • Appreciation of your body
  • The ability to approve of your sexuality rather than live in the constant “inner critic”
  • Better orgasms!
  • Sustained erections
  • Full body enjoyment
  • The ability to not rely only on porn

Challenge the myths.

I believe it’s important that we challenge the myths that we have been given about our bodies.  It is rare to receive nonjudgemental and accurate sex education about what our bodies do and don’t do during arousal.  I invite you to relax a little bit today if you are experiencing suffering due to your erections. Feel the sensations in your body when you are aroused, hard cock or not, and open the door to a better and more fulfilled sex life.

Soft Cock Manifesto

Here is a wonderful video by my colleague and friend Annie Sprinkle, PhD called The Soft Cock Manifesto.

Check it out then give me a shout if you’d like a free phone consultation to see how doing some simple re-framing of your mindset can increase your enjoyment of your sexuality.

Dr. Anya

Dr. Anya is a sexuality expert with over 25 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality degree and is a certified sex educator and certified sexologist. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice.