First of all, what the heck is a bio-hack? A bio-hack is using systems to improve the quality of your life and freedom in your body and mind. These systems can range from diet to exercise to positive affirmations – basically anything beneficial that changes your body chemistry from a state of dis-ease and discomfort to a state of health.
I am an avid bio-hacker and love having control over the quality of my life!
Here are 5 bio-hacks I’ve found to better your sex life:
Imperative! Exercise is one of the best ways to decrease stress, get connected to your body, become a happier person and boost an important sex hormone: testosterone.
What I do:
I love to dance. Dancing is my favorite way to get into my body and express myself. As a woman, it’s also fun to move my hips and feel sexy on the dance floor (in this case the gym or dance studio) and I feel it’s hugely liberating to have mirrors to look into so that I can see myself and the other folks in the studio moving, jumping, sashaying, twerking. Dancing is a wonderful way for me to boost hormones as well as self-esteem.
Find a fun exercise that you LOVE. Do it a few times a week for a month. How do you feel after that month? Is your sex drive up? Do you feel more connected to your body? Do you have more body awareness?
There is a ton of great research on how mindfulness can reduce stress, heal trauma and even lengthen our life span. Mindfulness is the practice of getting out of the head and into the body through awareness, opening up the sense fields, cultivating compassion for what is (versus how we would like it to be) and strengthening the body/mind connection.
I encourage my clients to start a mindfulness practice at home using Insight Timer or another app for even just 5 minutes per day. One of the biggest issues with sexual dysfunction is the massive amount of stress hormones people have in their bodies. We need to bio-hack this stress and bring the body back a place of relaxation for healthy sexual appetite and impulses to occur. Mindfulness is a great way to do this. In addition to a sitting practice, I have my clients engage in mindful masturbation, mindful making out mindful kissing etc. I have seen women go from never having an orgasm to having multiple orgasms simply by getting out of their heads and into their bodies using mindful awareness!
Every morning before I get out of bed I put on a Tara Brach meditation on Insight Timer. I use this time to begin my day with awareness of my body. Sometimes, I drift back to sleep and sometimes my mind wanders but often I go through the entire guided meditation with a feeling of delight that I get this time to be with the sensations in my body. I always get out of bed feeling happy and refreshed.
Download Insight Timer and look for two of my favorite teachers, Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield. Meditate for a few minutes a day. Then, when you are comfortable with the concepts of mindfulness you can apply the mindful meditations to your masturbation practice as you get better at staying connected to your body. What do you notice? Is your arousal different? Do you feel new sensations? Are you more present with your partner?
Ah diet! That wonderful Bio-Hack that can feel so empowering and wonderful and also has within it layers and layers of issues. As busy people we can eat foods that make us more tired, have less energy, feel depleted, lack important nutrients and vitamins and take a toll on our sex drives because our bodies are so busy trying to detoxify, manage insulin levels and use the available nutrients (and there typically isn’t a lot in processed foods) for survival that it doesn’t have the energy for sexual health and wellness.
Eating whole, nutrient dense foods are super important when it comes to feeling your best. We already know this, right? And yet, it can be difficult to implement. Fortunately, there is a lot of awesome science, YouTube videos, food plans, and delicious options to make this Bio-Hack a powerful investment of your time.
What I do:
I am Keto! I eat low carb and high fat and have found that this gives me more energy, mental clarity, has regulated my hormones (no more awful PMS, yay!) and have given me a boost in my libido.
Commit to eliminating the big toxins from your diet (processed foods, trans-fats, copious amounts of alcohol and drugs) for one month. Add in some nutrient dense foods and fats like salmon, ghee or grass fed butter, yummy vegetables, avocados…. and see how you feel. Has your sex drive changed? Do you have more desire for sex? What’s different about your outlook on life?
Okay this goes without saying but I have to say it anyway! Relaxation is a KEY component of a healthy sex life and this bio-hack is a must for anyone who wants to improve and thrive sexually.
What we know is that the busyness of our daily lives coupled with intense stressors like commuting, in-laws, buying a house and kids puts us in our sympathetic nervous system. This is the system that is responsible for running away from a tiger in the jungle (yay, our bodies do a really good job at surviving) and is what we call the fight or flight nervous system. Unfortunately, we are in this system the majority of our day and often even our self-care routines aren’t enough to get us into a relaxed state. People who are chronically stressed out can have an awful time digesting their food and feeling sexual because the body pulls those inefficient systems offline so that it can concentrate on dealing with survival. Is this you? I know it’s been me from time to time and it’s always a struggle to be happy and healthy when I’m chronically stressed out.
The good news is that there are some great bio-hacks we can apply here. Getting into the parasympathetic nervous system is how we can begin to feel sexual again and that’s not only a fun prospect but inspiring! This means that when you go on vacation (providing that you have a good amount of down time) and unplug from your daily life you get a chance to feel relaxed and fortified. When you get massage, go to the beach, get out in nature, meditate, cuddle with your beloved, set aside some time for quiet and reflection you can access your parasympathetic nervous system and feel the stress hormones leave your body. The parasympathetic is sometimes called the rest and digest system and we need to be in this state more often to have better quality sex.
What I do:
Mindfulness meditation as often as I can.
Take the weekends off to watch movies, knit, get some sensual time with my partner, get massages, get out of town, go to the hot springs.
Go through your calendar and notice if you have scheduled down time? If not, schedule some right now. Find a meditation retreat nearby, book a vacation, get a massage, go into your garden and read a good book. Now, make this a daily habit. What do you notice? How has this affected your sex drive? Are you more comfortable in your body?
I love this bio-hack! I don’t know if you can relate but until I started practicing healthy communication with everyone in my life people used to stress me out. I would often leave interactions feeling drained, not understood or wondering how I could have said that things differently.
Now, with healthy communication tools on board I feel more of the love hormone oxytocin which is an awesome feeling.
What I do:
My partner and I go to a weekly couples event where we practice healthy communication. I attend my own therapy and groups that teach me how to use my words positively. I have studied The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy and use these skills in my relationship.
There are many communication courses and trainings to choose from. Do some research and find one that may work for you. NVC, The Gottman Method, Anger Management are just a few options. Enroll in a class, training or weekly therapy and see if improving your communication makes you feel more love, intimacy and sexual desire. Experiment with this and be patient, it can take a little while to unlearn old habits and learn new ones that will bring you closer to those you love.
Bio-hacking is now one of my new obsessions and I’d love to get some fellow researches on board and compare notes. Please offer some comments and feedback on this blog post, I would love to hear from you. If you want to privately email me with answers to the questions I posed that would be great too. Or, book a free consultation call and let’s see if working together would be a good options to continue to bio-hack your way to a better sex life!