Guest Editorial courtesy of Adam & Eve Adult Toys *thanks for your contribution!*

When it comes to loving ourselves, we should do it inside and out. That means loving the way you look, the way you think, and the way you approach life. But it also means truly loving yourself in the sexual realm as well. Diving into a little self-exploration is important to your well-being, your happiness, confidence and overall sexual health. And even more importantly, it teaches you what you like, how you react to a certain touch and ultimately how to achieve the Big O.

However, with all of this said, masturbation can be a little daunting for some. There are plenty of people who just aren’t comfortable with touching themselves. If you find that you are that person, it’s time to push those fears aside.

Masturbation can be a lot of fun and is designed for trial and error, so you don’t have to be a professional the first time you go in. You’ll never be able to move past the uncomfortable feelings in your head if you don’t give it a try. So let’s do it shall we?

It’s important to set the mood to really get this self-love party going. Take time to relax beforehand. Consider taking a bath with a few candles lit or have a glass of wine or cup of relaxing tea. Secondly, you will want to make sure that you have your privacy because there’s no way you’ll feel comfortable if someone could come barging in at any time. So lock your doors!

It’s time to explore once you feel like you’ve gotten comfortable and ensured your privacy. There are two key orgasmic centers that you will need to know about. The first one is your clitoris. Each woman’s clit is located a little differently, but you can find it by placing your hand beneath your belly button, palm down, and then walking your fingers down past the pubic bone to where there is an indentation beneath the pubic bone. You will find a small piece of flesh there that may feel good or tingly when pressed. Keep playing around in the area and until you feel the tingly sensation. This will probably be a much easier orgasm to achieve. You can also achieve a g-spot orgasm. The g-spot also varies on each woman as it can be anywhere from 1-3 inches inside the upper side of the vaginal wall. To find it, insert one or two fingers into the vagina and make a crooked “come hither” motion upwards towards the navel with your fingers. Continue to make this motion until you find a walnut-shaped ridged area that feels different to the touch than the smooth walls of the vagina–that’s your g-spot!

Next, you should explore the way you feel when you rub either area. You may find that your body begins to feel tingly and that you’re producing more self-lubricant. This is a great sign! Keep playing around if you aren’t feeling those sensations and see what makes you react.

Each woman is different, but try rubbing your pointer finger and middle finger over your clitoris in a circular pattern to achieve a clitoral orgasm. For g-spot orgasms, you will have to locate the specific rough patch inside of yourself and rub it and forth for awhile. You will initially feel like you’re going to pee. Once again this is a good sign.

You will need to relax and move beyond that feeling in order to achieve an orgasm. This can be very tiring on your hand, so if you’re going for a g-spot orgasm, I recommend purchasing a g-spot vibrator from Adam & Eve adult toys. These toys are designed specifically to target your g-spot and make your job much easier.

Eventually, you will feel yourself to start falling over the orgasmic edge. It’s very important that you continue to relax this point. Try to keep yourself from tensing up all of your muscles as this will limit your ability to truly let go.

While this is fun and all, you’re probably wondering why masturbation is so great for you. Well, besides experiencing magical feelings, masturbation can also help you sleep better as well as lower your blood pressure. It gives you a good understanding of what feels good to you and how you prefer to be touched and brought to orgasm. It helps flush toxins from your body and can even relieve pain.

So you have no reason to hold back now. Give it a go and see what your body does. You have nothing to lose.


Anya de Montigny, DHS is a sexuality expert with over 20 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality (DHS) degree, is a certified sex educator and certified sex coach and was the host of the popular radio show The O Word Sex Talk Radio. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice. She also teaches adult sex education classes as well as consent & boundaries workshops at Universities and Colleges.


AJ · April 9, 2019 at 1:01 am

Honestly, I am among that plenty of people who just aren’t comfortable with touching themselves. I don’t know if it’s just because I don’t have time for it or I’m just too lazy to do it.

Anya · May 10, 2019 at 12:18 pm

Hi AJ, thanks for commenting. I have worked with women who are not comfortable touching themselves. It can still be possible to masturbate without touching yourself and you can work your way towards that if that’s your goal. You can use a vibrator over your underwear, you can rub yourself against a surface (some people use a pillow). There are options! In terms of time and energy, those can be things we use to excuse ourselves from pleasure. I have also succumbed to the “I don’t have enough time for pleasure” excuses as well. Hope this has helped in some way!

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