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5 Steps to Female Ejaculation

In my many years of teaching female ejaculation workshops I have found that there are a few vital components in making this mysterious, elusive and ultimately pleasurable part of female sexuality a reality.  The main question I get is “can every woman ejaculate”? And my answer is, “I don’t know”. I think the jury is still out on this one as all bodies are so different, unique and special. With this in mind, be a sensual researcher and try these steps with an open, curious and patient mind.  It is important that you remain relaxed and calm and do not force this process to happen. You should feel aroused and a lot of good, yummy pleasure in order to ejaculate.  Enjoy!

1) Create a Safe & Comfortable space
2) Foreplay and Making Out
3) Anatomy & Physiology
4) Technique
5) Toys

Create a Safe & Comfortable Space

It is important for a lot of women to feel safe, comfortable and relaxed (and of course turned on) in order to ejaculate. For each woman this can be different. Some women like dim lights, candles, soft music and incense while other women like a fuzzy blanket on the floor of the living room with cell phones turned off and the kids with a sitter. It is important as the woman receiving the erotic touch to communicate to her partner what kind of space enables her to relax, feel safe and special and fully sink into her body without distractions. For the person giving the pleasurable touch it’s important to ask and check in to see if the space feels good to her and be willing to make adjustments if need be. Why is a safe, comfortable space important? For a lot of women female ejaculation is about letting go of many negative societal messages about sexuality. Letting go of shame around
bodily fluids, letting go of negative messages around pleasure and being able to sink more fully into her body. A space that is comfortable and safe helps ensure that she is able to do these things and more!

Ideas to consider:

  • Satin sheets
  • Fuzzy blankets
  • Soft music
  • Candles
  • Chocolates and fruit to nibble on before hand
  • A warm bubble bath to get prepared
  • Cell phones turned off
  • Lights dimmed
  • Kids out of the house (with a sitter, with family or another trusted care giver)

Be sure to have plenty of towels nearby, water proof sheets, gloves (if you are not fluid
bonded for safe sex), lube and any toys you decide you want to play with nearby. When everything is in the same place it adds to the level of intimacy so that you can stay right with
her without the distraction of getting something in a drawer or other room.

ForePlay & Making Out
A woman’s erectile tissue start to swell and produce ejaculate before penetration or stimulation simply by acts of erotic touching, flirting, kissing, making out, and even sweet
words. Find out what turns her on. What ways does she like to be touched? How does she like her foreplay? Do certain words turn her on? Does she like erotic massage? There are
many things that you can do to turn a woman on that will enable her erectile tissue to become ready for stimulation and penetration and female ejaculation. Why is this important? Keep reading!

Anatomy & Physiology
When a woman’s erectile tissue becomes swollen a substance called PSA starts to form in the skene’s glands and drains into the urethra. This is prostatic fluid and is the same substance that is found in the male prostate. During arousal and for most women stimulation via fingers or toys this fluid can be expelled (ejaculated) from the body. The liquid comes out of the urethra and is not the same substance as urine. It does have some urea and creatine
in it but it also has higher levels of PSA making it it’s own unique and special substance which we call female ejaculation.

For a lot of women having the g-spot stimulated is a good start to being able to ejaculate. The g-spot is an organ inside the walls of the vagina. With the woman lying on her back insert your fingers inside her vagina (women can also do this easily herself) about 1 to 2 inches and crook your finger towards the pelvic bone until you feel a ridgy mass (the texture is akin to the ridges of the roof of your mouth). You may feel a pleasurable sensation or increase in
sensation. For some women the back portion of this organ is the most pleasurable. Some women do not feel anything for some time until this area has been gently massaged and
coaxed into becoming swollen (another reason why foreplay before penetration is great). Because of the shame that some women may feel around their sexuality or because of
trauma or injury this area may feel numb or painful upon touch. This is fine and just a part of the process. With continued gentle massage, communication and love the g-spot can become an amazing part of a pleasurable experience for many women. With penetration and stimulation of the area, including for some women stimulation of the clitoris, the sensation of fullness, needing to pee or wanting to push may happen. When you feel this sensation of “needing to pee” push out (like a reverse kegel, instead of pulling up and in like you would to stop the flow of urine relax the pelvic floor muscles and push out as you would to encourage the flow of urine) . These feelings are an indication that female ejaculate has accumulated in the urethra and is ready to come out. Do not worry that you are going to pee because as you know this is a different fluid.
Practice makes perfect try not to have high expectations, just push your pelvic floor muscles out when you feel the sensation of needing to pee and see what happens!

For a lot of women g-spot stimulation toys are a great way to get to female ejaculation and
increased sensation and pleasure in the g-spot Some great toys to check out are:

NJoyPureWand– A sensual S-shaped dildo designed to find your G-spot — and other hard-to-reach places.

Lelo Gigi – A friendly G spot vibrator with a perfect curve and intense vibrations. A
wider girth covers more area (for those who are really lost).

Lelo Luna Beads – This sexy vaginal barbell quickly tones and strengthens PC
muscles leading to more intense orgasms and an easier time ejaculating.

Any more questions? Please reach out and let’s talk!

Categories: Sex Education


Anya de Montigny, DHS is a sexuality expert with over 20 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Dr. Anya has a Doctor of Human Sexuality (DHS) degree, is a certified sex educator and certified sex coach and was the host of the popular radio show The O Word Sex Talk Radio. Dr. Anya has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area working with individuals and couples and invites straight and LGBTQ people into her practice. She also teaches adult sex education classes as well as consent & boundaries workshops at Universities and Colleges.


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